In an instant...

Today my mother and my daughter went out for a short walk   When they returned my child presented my wife and I each with a wildflower she'd picked for us.  I struggled, but could not recall the name of the flower I'd picked so many times as a child.  Nevertheless, it invoked a very strong sense of nostalgia for me.  It forced me to think back to all those many years ago when I was growing up.  It prompted me to consider moments spanning nearly two decades of my life.  There, in an instant, they were recaptured, but only to dissipate almost as quickly.

How symbolic must this plant, fleabane, be to me.  Why do violets, dandelions, and for that matter clover, not have the same value to me.  Words cannot truly express how powerful an experience this was. I had memories of loved ones long gone; experiences with friends that I've not spoken to in many years; stepping on chestnut hulls with bare feet; swinging in the backyard on a hammock, where the trees that held it have been cut down for nearly 3 decades; swinging on my swing set, thinking I saw someone out of the corner of my eye, but finding that no one was there; playing in the creek with my cousin; playing in the pool with the same cousin; my grandpa asking me about things I'd drawn; my family gathered on the porch talking for hours on end about "grown up things", and me wishing I understood and could participate.  All of this came, and left, in an instant.

My family is very close, and for that I am thankful.  My mom and dad live next door to the house where his parents lived, and where he grew up.  Behind them the younger of my older brothers, and behind him my aunt.  Within a few hundred yards are two other aunts, and a few member of my more distant family.  When I was a child I would spend much of my time playing between houses.   As for the expression "It Takes a Village", it did, but luckily I had one.

From time to time I do stop and feel a lot of regret, regardless of how I tell myself that there is no need to waste time looking back.  If only I'd understood those conversations on the porch with the grown ups.  If only I had listened to the advice of my family.  If only I'd known then, what I've come to know now.  I'd have played parts of my hand differently for sure.

Don't misunderstand, I love who I've become.  I also know that I would have never become this guy that I am today without the decisions I made, and their respective consequences. Nevertheless, if I had the chance at a do-over, I'd cherish the moments more and embrace my loved ones longer.  I would have asked more questions about the "old days" and listened more to the nuggets of wisdom my grandparents would have loved to share.  Because, if there is nothing else I've learned in life, it is to love and be loved because it can all be over in an instant.