Conviction is stranger than fiction

Conviction is defined by Merriam Webster as "a strong persuasion or belief."  We all have convictions, about a plethora of things.  To the bearer, a conviction is absolute and irrefutable fact. All opposing view points are thus inherently flawed.  In fact I would argue that conviction is really just a by-product of closing one's mind.

While our dictionaries are open, a couple of more pertinent terms:
Fact is "something that truly exists or happens : something that has actual existence".
Faith is "firm belief in something for which there is no proof".

The strange thing about conviction is its source. While conviction may sometimes apply to fact, it is rather unnecessary, since fact is fairly irrefutable. For example, if you read this blog at all, you likely already know that I am neither religious, nor am I atheist. I am firmly in the category of "I don't know", and I'm very OK with that.  However, I can willfully acknowledge that true belief in any god, is conviction, and is derived from faith.  However, a similarly strong conviction can equally be acquired from a lack of faith.

However, the true oddity, the reason I say it is stranger than fiction, is the extent to which we take it. We as humans seem largely unable to accept conviction as opinion, and treat it as fact. We are unable to see it as less than absolute. We zero in on trying to prove our convictions, and focus on ensuring that we are right, rather than accepting the possibility that we could be wrong.

When our convictions are challenged, it wounds us, and our natural response is to double down on those beliefs.   This is true in a variety of aspects of life.   For example, how many research studies are slanted by the convictions of the researcher?  How many political battles have been waged based on the convictions of a politician, or a political base?  How many people have died based on the convictions of world leaders or religious zealots?

Some of the greatest works of fiction could never compare to the stories from throughout history where people were driven to extreme actions based on their strongly held beliefs. Atrocities and inhuman accomplishments both share this spotlight.

In an instant...

Today my mother and my daughter went out for a short walk   When they returned my child presented my wife and I each with a wildflower she'd picked for us.  I struggled, but could not recall the name of the flower I'd picked so many times as a child.  Nevertheless, it invoked a very strong sense of nostalgia for me.  It forced me to think back to all those many years ago when I was growing up.  It prompted me to consider moments spanning nearly two decades of my life.  There, in an instant, they were recaptured, but only to dissipate almost as quickly.

How symbolic must this plant, fleabane, be to me.  Why do violets, dandelions, and for that matter clover, not have the same value to me.  Words cannot truly express how powerful an experience this was. I had memories of loved ones long gone; experiences with friends that I've not spoken to in many years; stepping on chestnut hulls with bare feet; swinging in the backyard on a hammock, where the trees that held it have been cut down for nearly 3 decades; swinging on my swing set, thinking I saw someone out of the corner of my eye, but finding that no one was there; playing in the creek with my cousin; playing in the pool with the same cousin; my grandpa asking me about things I'd drawn; my family gathered on the porch talking for hours on end about "grown up things", and me wishing I understood and could participate.  All of this came, and left, in an instant.

My family is very close, and for that I am thankful.  My mom and dad live next door to the house where his parents lived, and where he grew up.  Behind them the younger of my older brothers, and behind him my aunt.  Within a few hundred yards are two other aunts, and a few member of my more distant family.  When I was a child I would spend much of my time playing between houses.   As for the expression "It Takes a Village", it did, but luckily I had one.

From time to time I do stop and feel a lot of regret, regardless of how I tell myself that there is no need to waste time looking back.  If only I'd understood those conversations on the porch with the grown ups.  If only I had listened to the advice of my family.  If only I'd known then, what I've come to know now.  I'd have played parts of my hand differently for sure.

Don't misunderstand, I love who I've become.  I also know that I would have never become this guy that I am today without the decisions I made, and their respective consequences. Nevertheless, if I had the chance at a do-over, I'd cherish the moments more and embrace my loved ones longer.  I would have asked more questions about the "old days" and listened more to the nuggets of wisdom my grandparents would have loved to share.  Because, if there is nothing else I've learned in life, it is to love and be loved because it can all be over in an instant.

Anti-Christian Christianity

Slowly I'm coming to realize that my problem with Christianity is not the religion.  It's not the story of Jesus himself.  It's not the fact that the matter of biblical canonization was... questionable.  It has little to do with the fact that there are so many different versions of the bible, that you really need a BA in history to fully understand what the reasons are behind each.  Nor is it the fact that there are so many different denominations of the Christian religion across the world that practice in such different ways that it's hard to say, in today's world, what Christianity truly is.  The real reason I have a problem with Christianity is... Christians.

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” - Ghandi. 

Don't get me wrong, I have known some fantastic folks who follow Jesus.  In fact some of my best friends are very devout Christians.  However, the majority of Christians in America, in this day and age, certainly appear to miss some of the things that I consider explicitly defined in the text of the bible we have.

I firmly believe that the Jesus in the bible, living today, would support social programs and universal healthcare.  He would not deny happiness of anyone. While he would know if it were a choice for them, in absence of that knowledge he'd still give the benefit of a doubt - instead of assuming they were "choosing" to be ridiculed and different.  He would not fill his closet with furs and hang gold and diamonds from his ears and neck.  He would not drive a car that costs more than a minimum wage worker's annual salary.

Unfortunately, I feel that many of today's Christians would disagree with me on all of the points above.  Regardless of the fact their most important book, the Holy Bible, the supposedly infallible word of God, would tell them to take their riches and give them away to receive their reward in heaven.  It saddens me that we live in a world filled with the self-righteous and pious who would besmirch and bastardize something as good and pure as the teachings of Christ.  However, I guess that is the way it has always been, and will continue to be.

Politics, Religion, and The United States of America

I love being a citizen of a country where people have the right to say what they want to say, do pretty much anything they want to do, and make a better life for themselves through hard work and sacrifice.  A country where we elect our leaders, and can alter the system anytime we see fit.  However there is a political shift in this country, and I believe it has the strength and desire to disrupt this country and change what America truly represents.

Many people will quickly point out that this country was founded on religion, which I don't entirely dispute. However, when talking about the founding of this country a good history lesson will tell us pretty quickly that it was more about running away from the tyrannical hand of combined church and state in England. 

Since we no longer allow much in the way of religious discussion in our classrooms -- in this pinnacle of freedom, it may not be so obvious what this all means.  So here is a quick history lesson.  In the early-mid 1500's during the reign of King Henry VIII of England, there was a rift between the King and Pope Clement VII.  At the time Catholicism was the Christian religion.  The reformations that brought about protestant religions had not yet started.  Around this same time Martin Luther was discovering what he considered to be atrocious behavior by the church and published his 95 theses.  

Henry wanted a divorce from his first wife -- most of that part of the story is well known -- and was willing to do pretty much anything to make it happen.  He also had some religious reformists serving on his privy council.  This culminated in the rising of the Church of England, which was essentially forced upon you if you lived in England - you could opt for a beheading instead like Sir Thomas More.  Meanwhile reform was afoot elsewhere by the followers of John Calvin and Martin Luther.

Fast forward now to the first born daughter of Henry VIII, who would eventually become Queen of England.  She earned the nickname Bloody Mary because of the slaughter that took place in the name of converting England back to Catholicism (nearly 300 burned at the stake for heresy in only 5 years).  Upon her death, her sister, Henry's other daughter Elizabeth came to power and brought peace back to England and the Anglican Church.  It was King James (yes that King James, of  Bible Version fame) who was Presbyterian, and rejected much of the "purification" philosophies of the reformers, who finally pushed the Pilgrims over the edge and prompted them to leave England.

So, the Pilgrims left England to escape the combination of Church and State (King James and the Church of England).  The Puritans were Calvinists, and they were angry with King James as well, so they broke rank for pretty much the same reasons.  The rest of the settlers starting with Jamestown (i.e. King James' Town) were sent here by England to colonize the new land.  This was all about colonization, and had nothing to do with religion.

So when someone says this country was founded on religion, bear in mind it was very much founded on FREEDOM OF RELIGION, which should not be confused with a specific religion itself.  If you want to go down that road, it was certainly not any denomination that would hoist the King James Version of the Holy Bible proudly into the air.  

History should tell us that we do not want to go down the road of faith-based legislature.  Unfortunately, every election year I'm reminded of how so many in this country want to mix the two.  I fear that one day we will allow too much co-mingling and bring about a multitude of problems.  Granted, we will likely never get to the state of capital punishment over religious beliefs.  However, those who push their religious agenda need to realize that it works both ways.   What if someone was trying to force you to face Mecca while saying your beloved prayers in school?

I've started a new blog for posting my philosophical, spiritual, and religious thoughts.   The idea is really two-fold.   First, my primary blog is getting overly crowded with philosophy posts, which is not what I want to do with it.  Second, this gives me an opportunity to focus my thoughts on this subject matter in a constructive way.

If you know me, you already know that I think about this way too much, and I have several different thoughts about life, and more specifically our mortality.  If you don't know me already, then please allow me to introduce myself.

I am a computer software developer turned product manager.  I am married and I have a six year old daughter.  In my adolescence, around 16 years of age, I was baptized.  Soon thereafter I experienced what Christians like to call a "back-slide" and went completely off the rails of Christianity.  When I was in college I majored in computer science and minored in philosophy.  During this time I spent hours reading the works of some brilliant individuals such as Nietzsche, Paine, Aquinas, and more.

Understanding this life is one of the few things in which I have truly conceded failure, however I still continue my search for wisdom, insight, and inspiration.  While I no longer consider myself Christian my protestant upbringing has forced me to be someone who can not rule it out. So I don't really consider myself much of anything, religiously.  I am me, and I simply don't know what lies ahead of this life... if anything.